It really matters that you start. It doesn’t matter where you start; Start where you are (in your years, your journey, your beliefs) and lean into the first thing which sparks a question within you.

Benevolence and self-direction […] are usually near the top of the values we all share. Each of us also has an internal hierarchy of values, where we rank our values based on those we find extremely important to those that don’t really motivate us at all.

~ Chris Bailey, from There are just 10 basic values

Benevolence—in my opinion—only pops up on our radar once we have enough time, energy and resources. Whether or not it’s clear in that moment, that’s because we, for the first time, manage an honest look back and actually realize all the places where we’ve received help from others. So that’s nice for ourselves, but also for the entire human race.

Happiest day in seven years. And what did it take to achieve that? It took 10 seconds of secretly wishing for 2 other people to be happy for 8 repetitions, a total of 80 seconds of thinking. That, my friends, is the awesome power of loving-kindness.

~ Chade-Meng Tan

Above, Tan is referring to loving-kindness meditation. Literally, thinking semi-vague, happy thoughts about other people. (“May you live well.” “May your children grow healthy and happy.” “I hope you excel in your career.”)

It turns out, many people find solace, and even improve their over-all well-being, through the practice of silently repeating mantras that simply wish themselves well-being. For example, I’ve been trying this mantra on recently:

May I be safe.
May I be content.
May I be peaceful.
May I live with ease.
May I be well [in body and mind].
May my actions be skillful and kind.

Any fool can learn by experience, the saying goes. It’s vastly preferable to learn from the experiences of others.

~ Ryan Holiday, from This is the Best Career (Life) Advice I Ever Got

Of course, good advice is often ignored. If I was ready for some bit of advice, I’d probably no longer need it. On the other hand, for me, it’s best to keep reading good sources of advice hoping they sink in.

Critical is the advice (mentioned in the above, but I’ve also seen it elsewhere) about not waiting for your opportunities. No, I’m not going to jump and scream that it’s “my turn” or “pick me!” But I’m sure as hell going to start my own pick-up game over there on the other court in the meantime.

What, in fact, can we begin doing right now, rather than sitting on the bench and grumbling? Waiting, really sucks.

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Let me be clear that no part of me idealizes the bygone agony of waiting three weeks for a letter from your lover to cross the Atlantic—a letter that might never arrive from a lover who might be dead by the time it does arrive. But let me also be clear that, in another century or two, if humanity is wise enough to survive and reconsider its compulsions, posterity will look back on us gobsmacked that we put ourselves through the agony of the three pulsating dots.

~ Maria Popova

I actually flee when I see those pulsating dots. Partly to train myself to never expect the dopamine hit of the reply, but mostly to break the reply-cycle entirely. Yes it helps me, but if I flee quickly and don’t immediately see that incoming reply, then the other person also doesn’t see that “read” status! If they had, they might wait for the pulsating dots of my reply . . .

Some mediums are real-time. Some are not. Messaging is not. Email is not. Don’t treat them as if they were.

See also: Calm technology.

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Fortunately, there’s a smoother, less travelled road you can choose to take, and it’s the antidote to self-criticism. This is self-compassion.

~ Brooke Schwartz, from How to be kinder to yourself

True story: I was at a multi-day gathering of like-minded persons, staying in bunk-cabins in the pine woods, next to a lake with communal meals, shared values and small-group sessions. I went to a session that was, basically, about self-compassion. At the time of this event, I was deeply wrapped up in a project I was developing. I went to the session with my mind focused on how I can help others, in my in-development project, by showing compassion towards them. At the end of this session, we went around the circle giving feedback. And I was all like, “…uhm, so it turns out I am completely mistaken about why I am at this event. Thank you!” Sometimes, a tiny bit of advice falls on fertile mental ground.

So, thank you, Elizabeth.

I learned then that even when I felt powerless to control my job or education — or anything else that seemed out of my hands — I always had control over my own mind and how I treated others. Even when I had nothing else, I could still be kind, just, generous, honest, loving and compassionate.

~ Susan Fowler

Compassion for others is great. But don’t, like me, lose sight of the compassion for self. There’s much to malign regarding air travel these days, but they got one part right: Secure your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

The purpose of the ritual is to practice full appreciation of the gift we’ve been given, and to set the rest of the day up for wonder. What would that create for your life, if you had a ritual like that?

~ Leo Babauta, from Ritual to Greet the Day

Over years, I’ve experimented with various morning rituals. I’ve not yet managed to get one to really stick. No, I’m not talking about morning coffee—that has stuck. I’m talking about meditation, or yoga, or going for a walk; actual rituals. What gets in my way, every time is me. Not on a particular day, but when I look back and examine why a ritual didn’t stick, it’s always me.

You see I vastly over-estimate what I can accomplish in a day. That’s simply a symptom of vastly over-estimating what I can accomplish in my life.

I’m well aware that it’s common to say that with the second sentence’s sense inverted. However, the way I’ve written it, is actually the correct way. My every-day trying to get too much done is because I’m trying within this lifetime to get too much done. The fix of course is to stop trying to do so much.

As I was writing this 98th issue of 7 for Sunday I summarily deleted more than half of the work that I previously used to require of myself in putting these together. You’ll not notice a difference; Seriously, any difference you perceive this week is not due to what I deleted. No, I took an honest look at what I’m creating here (decided I did want to keep creating) and then hacked off what wasn’t needed to do the creating.

I hope there’s some advice somewhere above that falls on your fertile ground.

Until next time, thanks for reading.

ɕ

PS: I’m watching issue number 100 creep up. Any requests for the centennial?