Will I say, ‘Thank you’?

Think about your perception of time: We remember our past (or so we believe.) We have ideas about how our life might unfold in the future. We understand that it is, currently, now. We somehow sense that time passes— that time, somewhat like the water of a river, goes past us. We say, “That was then, and this is now.” We’re confident the future is coming.

It’s like meeting the same person as a child and as an adult on one day.

~ Marcia Bjornerud, from Metamorphic rocks go on deep journeys we never can

We have stories about the past that involve other people. So-and-so did this, or this person did that. Thanks for that, or I wish they hadn’t done this to me. We even have stories for the future involving other people. I wish they stay the same, or I wish they change. We believe those other people are very different than ourselves.

Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now … NOW it is being decided whether in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.

~ Phillips Brooks

Of course, we also have stories about ourselves! We each have countless stories about the past which begin, “I wish I…” or “I’m glad I…” We tell stories about ourselves, in the future. Mostly those begin, “I hope…”

The movement of the 19th and early 20th centuries—which eventually brought about Prohibition—went hand in hand with broad religious revivalism and the campaign for women’s rights. It considered alcohol to be unhealthy for women, families, and the general state of humanity. The depth of the problem posed by alcohol in pre-Prohibition America is hard to fathom […]

~ Shayla Love, from Not Just Sober-Curious, but Neo-Temperate

Have you ever said, your past mistakes made you who you are today? Have you ever felt that if you changed details of your past, you’d radically alter who you are today? We look back, and some stories seem trivial, while other stories seems critical. Some stories we even feel grateful for.

It takes courage to let go of what’s not working. Rather than focus on what you’re losing, hone in on what giving up goals affords you, like more time and energy. Remember no decision is permanent. You can continue to make adjustments until you find the balance of goals that works for you.

~ Melody Wilding

We have a lot of perspective! We have those perspectives on how time differs, those perspectives on how other people differ, and knowledge that our past-self was a different person.

So why do we think that who we are today, is who we will be in the future?

Humans do have something called willpower, which is the capacity to resist succumbing to gravity and friction. You can, possibly, will your way to a caloric deficit in a world of hyperpalatable snack options, just as you can will your way to a plowed field despite the bugs and stones and your aching back. Willpower is what made civilization possible.

~ David Cain, from Managing Life is About Managing Friction

We can’t explain who we were 10 years ago. (Although, the younger we are, the more emphatically we’ll try, leading to the Narrative Fallacy.) We can’t predict who we will be in the future. We tell a story like, “I hope I…” But, why? Why do I think the future-me, would necessarily appreciate what the today-me hopes?

Every morning you have two choices: Continue sleeping with your dreams, or wake up and chase them.

~ unknown

How many future-stories have I told about my future-self, which turned out to be absolutely wrong. The more I examine things, the more convinced I am that I don’t know what future-me will appreciate. It’s just like every gift we’ve ever given to others: The best we can do is hope it’s appreciated.

The only thing more dangerous than wanting to save another person — a dangerous desire too often mistaken for love — is wanting to save yourself, to spare yourself the disappointment and heartbreak and loss inseparable from being a creature with hopes and longings constantly colliding with reality, with the indifference of time and chance, with the opposing hopes and longings of others.

~ Maria Popova, from Do Not Spare Yourself

The only sane course of action is to do as we should for others: Extend compassion towards that unknown, future-me. Maybe I’ll say ‘thank you.’

Until next time, thanks for reading.

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