Can we choose attentiveness?

I’ve spent my lifetime seeking: knowledge, control, achievement, clarity. Finally, I began to wonder—and have subsequently become convinced—that life is not about seeking. It’s about noticing what’s already here, and being honest about the tradeoffs I’m making with my time, attention, and effort.

‘Dagon’ has all the elements of a classic Lovecraft tale. Here, as in many of his later works – including ‘The Call of Cthulhu’ (written in 1926), The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath (1927), and At the Mountains of Madness (1931) – optimistic endeavours for knowledge, even the simple act of seeing what’s on the other side of a hill, are thwarted by incomprehensible terrors and a horrifyingly arbitrary cosmic order. These revelations shatter the minds of Lovecraft’s truth-seeking characters, including doctors, archaeologists, lost sailors, metaphysicians and scientists of all kinds.

~ Sam Woodward, from Terrifying vistas of reality

Some people must think that reading a bunch of Lovecraft’s work was time I wasted. I loved it. I didn’t find it scary. (I’m not sure I’ve ever found any book scary. Movies, on the other hand, can scare the hell out of me.) But I deeply enjoyed Lovecraft, and yet I could never quite express why. After reading Woodward’s thoughts I’m thinking I enjoyed the experience—being myself one of those “doctors, archaeologists, lost sailors, metaphysicians and scientists of all kinds”—of seeing people like me get the hell scared out of them.

Books? How, or to what end? For is not reading a kind of preparation for living, but living itself made up of things other than books? It is as if an athlete, when he enters the stadium, should break down and weep because he is not exercising outside. This is what you were exercising for; this is what the jumping-weights, and the sand, and your young partners were all for. So are you now seeking for these, when it is the time for action?

~ Epictetus

Two thousands years later, and still relevant. The more stuff we have access to, the more we must hone our focus and intention.

The small choices we make on a daily basis either work for us or against us. One choice puts time on your side. The other ensures it’s working against you. Time amplifies what you feed it.

~ Shane Parrish from, The Small Steps of Giant Leaps

The only way I can manage to feel as if I’ve enough time in my day is if I’m ruthless with myself about not giving my time away. I’ve spent so many decades feeling harried and busy only to realize—duh, Craig—I did that to myself. I’ve spent so many dark days simply wanting some peace, only to realize—duh, Craig—all this craziness? I chose that.

Somehow, I managed to let this idea which Parrish mentions seep into my bones. Now I feel like I’m able to relax and simply experience being on some of my days. Sometimes, I even take naps. *gasp* My 25-year-old self would be horrified.

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

~ Jonathan Safran Foer

We have countless options in each moment. That surely implies an infinite variety of paths our life could have taken. It’s certainly not useful to bemoan that, for what riches we already possess in the one life we live!

There was, or will be, a last time for everything you do, from climbing a tree to changing a diaper, and living with a practiced awareness of that fact can make even the most routine day feel like it’s bursting with blessings. Of all the lasting takeaways from my periodic dives into Stoicism, this is the one that has enhanced my life the most.

~ David Cain from, The Last Time Always Happens Now

I’ve written about this previously. (Try my “perspective” tag for some tastes.) But this item bears endless repeating. Do it as if it is the last time. Think of it, in the moment, as if it is the last time. And for a bonus multiplier: Think about things in this way before you do them. “Tomorrow, when I ____, that will be the last time I get to _____.”

… death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new … your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

~ Steve Jobs

Say what you will about Jobs—go ahead, there’s a lot—but things become clear once finally turn and face your final reckoning. I read Jobs comment as a validation that I am right to cease, and to avoid, seeking. It’s not life’s responsibility to reveal anything to us. It’s our responsibility to reveal ourselves to life.

The approach is to learn to find peace with chaos.

~ Leo Babauta from, When Things Feel Scattered

As with everything I’ve ever seen Babauta post, I agree. If you’re feeling scattered, you could do a lot worse than to read that article. It provides perspective, and some small, actionable things to start on.

Always, the problem is not actually the problem; The problem is our attitude about the problem. (Jack Sparrow’s admonishment echos Aurelius’s reminder to himself.) It takes courage to relax, in order to save yourself. It takes courage to be kind to yourself.

Until next time, thanks for reading.

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