Is it clarity or control?

There is a fine line between being organized because you believe that’s how you can best achieve your goals, and because you’re in love with checklists, systems, and processes. Distinguishing the two is important, but an exasperated, “just look at all this stuff I have to do,” doesn’t make the situation clear. In the first case, that sentence expresses an understanding of how complex one’s goal is, and in the second case it’s simply been a descent into micro-self-management.

[Oliver Burkeman’s] book is self-help for people who generally find the genre mockable, or at least unhelpful. I figured this approach was made for me—an anxious perfectionist, snobby about how-to-ism, and impatient with positive thinking. I turned out to be right. Four Thousand Weeks has had the same effect for me as snapping a rubber band on my wrist to break a bad habit: I’ve surprised myself by how often, stuck in some self-sabotaging rut, I recite parts of it in my mind.

~ Hillary Kelly, from You Are Going to Die

Effective self-management versus navel gazing comes down to why have we bothered to capture those things onto a to-do list. If one’s lists are capturing complexity, order of execution and timing because that’s what’s required to achieve the goal, then that’s a good sign. If one can say, “when I mark off all this stuff, I’ve achieved the goal,” then that’s an ever better sign.

To-do lists tend to be long; Success lists are short. One pulls you in all directions; The other aims you in a specific direction. One is a disorganized directory and the other is an organized directive. If a list isn’t built around success, then that’s not where it takes you. If your to-do list contains everything, then it’s probably taking you everywhere but where you really want to go.

~ Gary Keller

It’s true that capturing things is about not forgetting, but a bigger reason is about not fretting. (Forget two letters to fret.) Trusting my processes of capturing, prevents me from going over things repeatedly in my mind. This doesn’t delete things from my mind: If I wish, I can still recall nearly everything in every one of my systems, because the act of capturing and organizing things clarifies my thinking and improves my recall. As I mentioned previously, “I wrote it down so I wouldn’t need my notes later.”

Hear me out: think about something you’re stressing about, or someone you’re frustrated about. What thought do you have about that person or situation that causes the frustration? It’s often an invisible thought, that we don’t realize we have, but if you were to speak it out loud, it would feel really true.

~ Leo Babauta, from The Practice of Letting Go

I do recommend you hear him out. I am not simply a todos and lists maker, but also a note taker, and a journal writer. I have a regular habit of tipping out my mind. Often what comes out when I tip is outright junk. But the act of writing slows my thinking. Since I write vastly slower than I cogitate, it requires me to hold one, sentence-shaped thought while I transcribe it to paper. Sleep is important for mental health, but regular hand writing to empty my mind is only slightly less so.

Make yourself proud. I think we spend too much of our time trying to please everyone. And we forget that it’s all already within. Your instinct, your inner child, your soul, all of those know what’s good for you and the world. The public opinion of your friends and strangers online, not so much.

~ Jérôme Jarre

Daily, I review some entries from my journals for the day’s date. One thing this shattered for me, was the illusion that I am a concise, stably-defined persona. I’m not gesturing at insanity, but rather at some sort of mist-like shifting shape. I can see from the vantage of the current day parts of my past self which seemed to be off balance, or shifted aside. I can see an over-active mind one day, an over-active body another, then laser-focused but on the wrong thing one day, then wild and free another. The illusion shattered, of course, is that in the now of every today I believe that I am a concise, stably-defined persona.

We call those moments burnout, and we feel them most acutely as we approach the final horizon of a project, a year, a chapter of life. And yet, just as breakdowns can deepen our self-knowledge and despair can invite the sacred pause preceding regeneration, burnout can become the hearth of change — that urgent and necessary change without which the lulling inertia of our lives would always keep us a short distance from alive.

~ Maria Popova, from The Promethean Power of Burnout

Everyone always talks about how the pheonix rises from the ashes. Me? I’ve always been horrified by the idea that the pheonix first burns to death. As someone who plays chicken with burnout quarterly, I’m hard pressed to think of any advantages. Presuming you’re going to rise again does not make the burning out enjoyable.

Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?

~ Charles Bukowski

I certainly cannot. In fact, while I believe Bukowski’s point is valid, I’m not even certain I was told by the world (or anyone in particular for that matter).

Then I start to recall stories from childhood, where adults acted in ways which didn’t seem odd at the time, but which now seem like they were in on some sort of joke, or had all been coached: “*feedback on bullhorn* Okay, listen up people! As you know, we’ve got this new kid… *checks clipboard* Craig, starting tomorrow. Let’s remember those key points on the safe-handling flyer as you interact with him.” To be fair to those adults, I was a horrendously mischievous demon.

I thought it’d be fun to turn some of my pep talks to myself into posters you can download and print.

~ Austin Kleon, from Motivational posters

That’s lighter and somewhat unrelated to earlier parts of this issue. But it struck me that it’s important to have a safe-handling flyer which includes some dos along with the don’ts. “Do not engage directly in battles of wit.” “Do entice with rewards commensurate with the degree of effort.”

Until next time, thanks for reading.

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